*ouCh*

My backs KILLING me right now. Ive just gotten up from playing the guitar for about 4 hours straight... and it must be the way i slouch over the fretboard or the fact that i was sitting on my bed and playing but it feels like the bottom half and top half of my body are just gonna seperate from one another. There is always a certain amount of pain, whenever you play the guitar for a certain period of time, a sting in your fingers, an ache in your forearm - all those aches and pains are there, but those are all a satisfying sort of pain - a sense of accomplishment. This pain in my back - it just HURTS.

Interestingly enough - todays playing session had a lot of FRUSTRATION involved - all without the creative spark that usually makes my playing enjoyable - i mean, i was playing the same old shit, was sounding worse then normal - couldnt come up with any satisfying rythm riffs, my lead sounded absolutely horrendous. Wonder why.

Oh - something else interesting happened today - i jammed with Taimur Rehman!

Most people reading this know who Taimur is, for those who dont, hes a teacher of Political Science at the university i study at and my roomates guru and mentor (and some argue boyfriend). Well he was over today - and for some reason he was carrying a spanish guitar - and some how he knew that i played - so he asked me to pull out my guitar - and for almost an hour me and him jammed - and the MOST surprising thing of all - HES GOOD yAAR! I mean, really good - hes got this nice blues touch to his playing - something that i havent encountered in any of the other guitarists i jam with who are my age. I hope to play more with him - hope to get that bluesy touch to my own playing.

Hmm... yesterday was the last day of my antibiotics - hopefully ill be able to wake up in the morning without having to throw up from now on - you know it was actually really surprising the number of people who even KNEW that i was sick and who went out of their way to ask about how i was feeling and what exactly had happened and if im alive or not - i mean people whose NAMES i dont even know came to visit me in the hospital - people i havent spoken to for YEARS came to visit - it was kinda weird but really really sweet.

Oh and my cousin - man that guy has come every singly day iv been back just to drop me off food - he took SUCH good care of me it was crazy - if it wasnt for him i would definately have had to take the quarter off and head back home - weve become so close - hes seriously become the elder brother i always wish i had.

And then of course - there was chuss - i dont even need to SAY how much this guy took care of me.

hmm off the hospital topic - i hate having to reminisce about this last week and a half or so.

Two weeks - two weeks and im in beatiful karachi for 5 days. Back home, back with my mom, my little sis - the new cat that i havent gotten a chance to see yet. Gonna take a long ass drive on seaview - windows down just smelling the pollution tainted sweet ocean smelling air. Gonna grab something to drink take my shoes off and walk along the beach. The last time i was in karachi was six months ago - too fucking long yaar - too fucking long.

Should you let her tie you up in knots? Should you let her effect you to the extent that when you see her your tummy takes a little flip inside of you - should you even trust your emotions when youve never felt anything like this so fast? Lifes a bitch and then you crumble - lifes a bitch and then you die. Saad says that the one thing hes learned in life is "apnay tatte bacha ke rakho buss" - no matter how hilariouse that sounds - it makes perfect sense.

Im listening to Motorcycle Driveby right now, by Third Eye Blind - have you heard it? the lyrics make too much sense to be real - third eye blind can be like T.S. Eliot at times - absolute BITCHES because they express exactly what it is thats going through your mind but the WAY they express it takes your soul and tears it up into little little peices and that slip through your fingers and get lost in the wind.

Summer time and the wind is blowing,
Outside in lower Chelsea,
And I don't know
What I'm doing in this city,
The sun is always in my eyes,

It crashes through the windows,
And I'm sleeping on the couch,
When I came to visit you,
That's when I knew,
That I could never have you,
I knew that before you did,
Still I'm the one whose stupid,

And there's this burning,
Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone,
And I've never been so alive,

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,
The Cigarette ash flies in your eyes,
And you don't mind,
And you smile,
And say the world doesn't fit with you.
I don't believe you,
You're so serene,

Careening through the universe,
Your axis on a tilt,
Guiltless and free,
I hope you take a piece of me with you,

And there's things I'd like to do that, You don't believe in,
I would like to build something,
but you never see it happen,
And there's this burning,
Like there's always been,

I've never been so alone,
And I, I've never been so alive,

And there's this burning,
There is this burning,

Where's the soul, I want to know,
New York City is evil,
The surface is everything,
But I could never do that,
Someone would see through that,
And this is the last time,
We'll be friends again,
and I'll get over you and you'll wonder,
Who I am,
And there's this burning,
just like there's always been,
I've never been so alone,
And I've never been so alive,

I go home to the coast,
It starts to rain,
I paddle out,
On the water,
Alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain,
I'm not thinking of you again,

Summer dies and swells rise,
The sun goes down in my eyes,
See this rolling wave,
Darkly coming to take me,
Home,
And I never been so alone,
And I've never been so alive


When you read this - do you see what i mean?

Does ANYONE FRIGGIN EVER SEE WHAT I MEAN!