I just realized, i have the unhealthy addiction to listening to songs with really sad lyrics, the next three songs are some of my favorites...

Broken - Seether

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘cause I’m broken when I’m open
And I don’t feel like I am strong enough
‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome
And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away



My Immortal - Evanescence

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating life
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Nickelback - Someday Lyrics

How the hell'd we wind up like this
why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
and try to turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
But don't think it's too late
Nothing's wrong
Just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I''m gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
Someday somehow
I'm gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
we could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothing's wrong
Just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I''m gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
Someday somehow
I'm gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
How the hell'd we wind up like this
why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothing's wrong
Just as long as you know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I''m gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
Someday somehow
I'm gonna make it alright
But not right now
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
I know you're wondering when
You're the only one who knows that
I know you're wondering when

The following post has been written after a marathon sleeping session of 12 hours, and sounds the best if you read it outloud to yourself in a pseudo british accent - trainspotting style or something like that.

Scene: Man is lying on top of bed, sweety sheets wrapped around him, thin, very thin. The camera is above him, pointing downwards, spiraling towards him. When it gets close, he suddenly wakes up, sitting up in bed. breathing hard, eyes wild. Voiceover as he steps out of bed, and gets ready for the same life hes lived every day.

Okay, i think iv figured it out.

Figured what out?

Everything...

See the thing is, we have been trained and taught by hollywood to believe that everything will be okay, that life will end up perfect, that no matter how much of a fuckup you are at the end of the day the girl will be yours, you WILL make your mark in history, and youll be fucking good looking the whole time...

And then, we hit life.

See, the problem with life is real simple, if you fuckup things will get fuckedup and no they will not get any better. You will more then likely NOT get the girl. You will more then likely NOT make any mark on history whatsoever, and you are fucking ugly.

See, but thats not the revelation, the eipiphany, the fucking clouds didnt open up to tell me this.

The PROBLEM, is that there are now two types of people on this world. Those who are happy, and i dont mean they are brainwashes hapy or artificially happy or what not, they are GENUINLY happy, is because they accept life the way it is, fucked up and strange - and accept that as that. They dont look for the next best stepping stone beyond life because they know there is none so if they were to take the leap they would just jump and drown. Then, there are people like me and my present group of boys. See... now we have a little problem. Life sucks. We know that. We dont think it sucks for us. We know is sucks for everything. Where we are different from everyone else is - where they have realized that there is nothing you can do to make your life any better we think otherwise. We are not happy with the present state of affairs we have been shat into, and therefore we are CONSTANTLY looking for something better, a step up the ladder - the perfect girl, the perfect career, the perfect fucking haircut.

What we dont realize, is that there is no NEXT step, there isnt another rung on the ladder, there isnt another stepping stone in the pond, its just empty. So every time you jump, every time you try, youll be up there for a couple of milliseconds at best while you scramble around to keep your hold on what you later realize is absolutely thin air, and then come tumbling back down.

You know what happens then? youve glimpsed that bit of a better life... all two fucking milliseconds of it, so now your even MORE unsatisfied then before. And you think - goddammit, im gonna try again. etc etc etc.

So now, the key to being happy ladies, gentelmen and underage boys and girls, is to accept what God throws your way, instead of striving for what you want. Thats just the way it is.

Its not Apathy,

Its Life.


I see my life in 43 inches of plasma glory, i dream in killer camera angles and dolby surround sound. Screenplays, dialogue, and scripts make up the words coming out of my mouth. When you look at me, you see a person. When i look at you, i see an actor in the movie playing in my mind. Nothing personal.

A Mans World

you GOTTA see it... visit it here

The owner describes the site like this:
"The lord created Adam and Eve and it's been a battle ever since. This blog is my spin on the way the battle is being forged and how to win the war without blowing yourself up first. I see too many guys getting slaughtered on the battlefield because they are playing by rules of engagement that were meant to make them lose. Hopefully, I can help you define your own rules."

hahah hilarious.. itll make you laugh, and itll make you think too...

Its been a long time since iv written something on this page... i tell myself its because i dont have the time, i tell myself that im busy doing other things like LIVING life instead of taking time out to attempt to WRITE about life.

I tell myself, bullshit.

I think its more the fact, that iv lost myself to apathy, that iv gone into that stage again where i just dont care and now at this juncture in my life im being pushed into making decisions that effect more then just myself, and im at a loss - at a complete loss at how to handle such decisions. Do i look after my own interests, do i look after the interests of others, when others are involved to i take the safe path just to make sure no one gets hurts, or do i take the plunge in the hope that things will come out better then theyve ever been before... for everyone involved.

im at a loss.

I have a playlist, titled "go somewhere inside my head" composed of the oddest most ecclectec collection of songs from over... and the most interesting thing is NONE of this music is stuff you would catch me listening to a couple of weeks ago. Formatting my entire pc and then loosing all my backups (including over 4500 photographs which thank GOD i recovered) means i have to put my music collection of over six years back together again from scratch, i guess that forces you to listen to a lot of different things:

heres the list:

Tori Amos - Merman
Alanis Morrissette - King of Pain (Unplugged)
Avril Lavigne - Nobodies Home
Bush - Out of this World
Claude Challe & Ravin - Path of Love
Claude Challe & Ravin - Trumpet Thing
Claude Challe & Ravin - Bombay Mix

"The man I am writing about is not famous. It may be that he never will be. It may be that when his life at last comes to an end he will leave no more trace of his sojourn on earth than a stone thrown into a river leaves on the surface of the water. But it may be that the way of life that he has chosen for himself and the peculiar strength and sweetness of his character may have an ever-growing influence over his fellow men so that, long after his death perhaps, it may be realized that there lived in this age a very remarkable creature."