I think i have just become humble.
Not the humble that would mean im no longer the all aggressive full of himself in your face Salman that you all know and love (or... just know). I mean the humble where i suddenly have the epiphany that you know what... you DONT know everything... you know what... things are NOT going to be like you want them to be, or like they are on sitcoms and TV commercials, or all around you for that matter.

I thought i knew what love was... i had BEEN in love, i had experianced the ins and outs of relationship battles and tugs of war of control, possesion, jealousy, rage, passion. I knew what it was, and i knew what it was that i wanted. And most importantly, i wasnt going to settle for anything less then the "perfect" relationship. Where EVERY moment with her is like magic, where EVERY fight is solved in a jiffy, where angels look over your every move and nothing is out of place.

What i HAVE realised. Is that i dont know WHAT to look for. Hell... i dont even know the slightest thing about love anymore. I dont know what it is that draws two people together. What it is that makes their fights as enrapturing as their love. What makes them willing to sacrifice anything and everything, just to be with one another. Should you be willing to sacrifice everything? What on earth puts you in a position where you are willing? There are people on this earth, for whom i would give anything for ... but they have grown up with me. They have played HUGE roles in making me the ME that i am today (no matter how confused that me may be). So how does someone... who just enters your life, make you love them? Or to rephrase the question... how do you love someone whose just entered your life? How do they become a part of you to the extent that your willing to sacrifice anything for them? Should you be?

At the end of the day, iv realised a lot, while at the same time having absolutely no answers for the questions i ask. What iv realised is that no matter how much i THOUGHT i knew, no matter how much i lived my life by BELIEFS - everythings just been broken. In fact, many of them have been broken for quite some time, now... we have officially broken all beliefs, with the insight that these beliefs were doing nothing more then holding me back, from seeing the world. I still believe in beliefs, I just BELIEVE that i need to find knew ones or reevaluate the ones i have.

I have destroyed relationships because they werent mirror images of the perfect couple i had in mind. The perfect couples that all my friends were. You know what iv really realised. None of them is perfect, i once thought i knew the perfect girl... no ones perfect... nothing,no one. Life is about living. Im sorry, to the girl whose life i destroyed because i was living inside my mind.

I wonder if everything i ever experianced in my entire life built me up into this mountain that i now have to fall off of. I go to sleep tonight and tomorrow i wake up with a final exam to prepare for and an empty slate with nothing to fall back on. Salman S. Qadeer - prepare for a rush...


On a lighter note... i have just been told: Kalay ho, chote se ho, par ho hot ;)

hahahaha... what an interesting world this is.

Watch the wind through the trees and smile. Thats all it takes.

Goodnight Everyone.

PS: btw... baby died last week. Her last pictures will be posted as soon as Hello downloads. From all those who knew her and her beauty - that of her own and that she brought to others, our prayers go to her, in her very own place in the stars. A moment of silence please

. . .
The moments over, now go live your lives and make as much noise as possible. Thats how baby would have wanted you to live it.

Sing and dance and roar to the open skies. and let God know you exist.
I may be infitesimally small in this universe.
Small or not, i sure as hell am gonne be loud.

-- To Baby.