'The mind is its own place and in itself
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.

--(John Milton, Paradise Lost)
Through Arsi

finally here
once speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me to the place
where I find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the light to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything

and how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me how could it be
any better than this

you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fold
you still my heart
when you take my breath away
would you take me in take me deeper now

and how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me how could it be
any better than this
and how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by it
would you tell me how could it be
any better than this

cause you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything.. everything
you're all I want
you're all I need

you're everything.. everything

you're all I want
you're all I need

you're everythiny.. everything

you're all I want
you're all I need

everything.. everything

and how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by it
would you tell me how could it be
any better than this
and how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by it
would you tell me how could it be
any better any better than this
and how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by it
would you tell me how could it be
any better than this

would you tell me how could it be
any better than this

There is no solution
to the problem of never
which lasts,
Forever.

And I sit here tonight... can still taste the stale smoke tarnishing my mouth, can still feel it intoxicating my veins... I know you can never be too pure... but purity was never a word you could use to describe me... never.

So do come by, and visit me
In the amphitheatre inside my head
Where the popcorn is free
And the candycorn cyanide
Will take you places
You’ve never been before.

Go on then
in your own time
this is as far
as I will take you
I am leaving your words with you
as though they had been yours
all the time.

Of course you are not finished
how can you be finished
when the morning begins again
or the moon rises
even the words are not finished
though they may claim to be.

Never mind
I will not be
listening when they say
how you should be
different in some way.
You will be able to tell them
that the fault was all mine

Whoever I was
when i made you up.

-- W.S. Merwin

Yesterday, I was dragged (against my will of course, I am an inherently lazy person) to go eat berries off the shatoot tree that grows next to the soccer field. Although I went thinking, what a waste of time, by the end of it, I was engrossed in the simple act of pick and taste. There is an incredible amount of satisfaction to have berry juice stained hands and tangy juice in your mouth.

The last time I picked berries was eleven years ago, when I was 9. I used to love picking berries then, there was this particular raspberry bush, in which I used to spend all day. An hour before dusk, I would crawl out, covered in thorns and berry juice, and jump in the lake for a quick dip before dark.
Now I’m sitting here and wondering, how many things did I revel in during childhood, which slowly and steadily slipped away as I became an “adult”. I used to love riding my bike, mud beneath my toes, and the taste of plums. I don’t have the time to ride my bike anymore, mud beneath my toes makes me feel icky, and plums are too mushy for my taste buds. What happened along the way? What did I loose?

This summer I’m going to spend as much time as I can with my12 year old sister, in an attempt to relearn what it feels like to be a child. Maybe it’s impossible, but I’ll risk a jump in the lake to find out.

Obsessed by your perfection,
my imagination runs wild
I see you through the fire that envelops me.
A lost soul running through the night
like the wilderness child
Old forgotten feelings stir,
to awaken a demon that cannot be denied
Unbridled thoughts enter uninvited at inopportune times
To stir my emotions and intoxicate my soul
With a passion I had long since forgotten
Forbidden thoughts of consummation,
lie heavy on my mind
Unsolicited fantasies replace reality
A fool for wanting the unattainable,
but unable to stop the desire
That beats deep with my heart
The fulfillment of dreams that lay dormant,
but not dead
Unsolicited fantasies replace reality...

It's crazy, I'm thinking,
Just knowing that the world is round
And here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down?
And is this real, or am I dreaming?

Lovely lady, let me drink you, please.
Won't spill a drop, no, I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment the more I love you.

" Lost Souls "

I have this taste in my mouth -
I cant get it out of my mind
Like the spice of cloves and salty tears
And day olf blood and Honeywine,
it makes me think of years ago
when our wrists showed the scars of time.
And we'de hide the signs of sleepness nights
With smudged eyeliner and cheap hair dye.
When the pot ran out, we'd never know
Because we were allready too far gone.
We dreamt the dreams that always die
And we never slept untill dawn.
Everyone could go fuck themselves
As far as we cared to care.
We were the lost souls who found
Lifes a bitch that is'nt fair.
I wonder where you are right now.
Did you bullshit your way to the top?

And id drink a drink for you now,
But im afraid the memories would stop.

-- A Beautiful Oblivion (now deceased)