Well, im back in lahore, amongst a mix of really really weird feelings. Its good to be back - its definately good. I like the feeling of being on my own and being able to make my own choices not being harpered by anyone or anything. But I miss a lot of things in karachi... a lot of people... and a lot of little leasures i had there - sleeping until i just COULDNT sleep anymore, mom making me lunch and dinner and fatima making me chai. The wait for my little sister to come home from school so that we could mess around and the disapointment and she would come home and duly plop into bed for her "afternoon nap". I miss her, yes... that too. Its a constant battle, to have some self control and not call her up form right here. But forget that... cant think about that.
Summer summer summer...
In the beginning of summer, i had a blast - i got a couple of projects, was working and doing something i loved - and showing my father that it could be done at the same time.
But then, you know all that.
Its what happened after the projects finished, after the excitement died out, after i decided not to come to lahore in the middle for a "vacation FROM my vacation back to the place i live all year" :s (mom found that as a concept kinda hard to understand :P hell so did I) But i wanted to go and then didnt. But i guess this didnt happen AFTER then really, more like ARound that time, when i had decided to screw the internship the projects looked good enough on my resume, and i was just too lazy to have to wake up at 8 in the morning to go to a job anyways.
To put it simply, the whole time, i just felt so OLD.
I felt like SO much of my life had passed, so much of it was gone and it JUST really hit me that you know what those times will never be back. Fullstop. Thats it there gone and theres nothing you can do about it. You know, when i was younger (just saying that sounds weird - when i was young ... jeezzzz) i used to priide myself on the fact that i had no regrets. I had made a lot of mistakes definately, but those mistakes and mishaps and what not - at the end of the day they were
allright because one they taught me something or the other and two they wernt really
life upsetting mistakes anyways. Now when i look back, and i start thinking of the fact that one third to one fourth if my life is gone- kapputz -i look back and the two things i see are so many happy times that i can never relive and so many
REGRETS. So many regrets.
And now im growing up. I think of my future career in terms of resumes and job offers. I think of starting a buisness with maaa buddiiieeee so that we dont HAVE to work for anyone and can do buisness OUR way. Im thinking of the fact that im gonna loose so many friends to marriage, and kids and moving and al that. well... loosing is a bad word... in fact its the WRONG word. What i mean is that things will CHANGE.
And you know something.
I dont
WANT things to change anymore...
The road to finding "the one" is paved with a bit of promiscuity
- Ryan Erickson
(i like this one)
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